My Sister

Dear Sis --

I was in the attic today, and found a box that I didn't recognize. I opened it, to find my most treasured possessions from when I was "a little girl." It had my sticker collection that I spent years accumulating and trading. It had my journal that I started when I was 8. It had my high school year books. All "stuff" that I attached happy, special memories to.

As I was sifting through letters Mom wrote me for various occasions, I found an envelope from you. On the front, in your perfect handwriting, it just said, "With Love." From the looks of the handwriting, you were probably in 4th grade or so.

It was an ordinary little envelope. The cards inside were 3x5 cards -- 'cuz that's what Mom always had on hand.

Inside, this is what it said: (Spelling has been preserved here...)

Card #1
J's New Cupon Book


Card #2:
Always have to clean the Bathroom?
This cupon good for...
1 week of cleaning the Bathroom


Card #3:
Sometimes you get lazy and knowone will do favors for you.

The cupon good for 33 favors.

Expirers
33 Favors


Card #4:
Do you have things that are unorganixzed or things you just don't want to put away?

Organize things for 3 weeks

1 Exceptoin
You have to tell me where things go.

Expires
3 weeks


Card #5:
Hate rincing? I don't blame you!

The cupon is good for...
good for... O, um 4 days of ...
... me rincing the dishes for you.

(gulp) (Just kiding)

1 expetion
Excpet on Sundays

Expireers
When you have used this for 4 days


Card #6:
Have a unmade bed problem?

Make your bed for two weeks

Excpire Date
in three weeks


I sat in the cold attic and laughed and cried over this little card.

I was awed by the sense of humor you had:
-- 33 Favors -- 39 Flavors. Very Funny.
-- Exception: No rinsing dishes on Sunday.

Do you remember how much we all hated dish duty on Sundays? We were convinced that Mom did Sunday dinners just to torture us at the sink afterwards.

It was written on 3x5 cards, because that is what Mom had around. I'm sure you loved paper then, but probably didn't have access to the beautiful stuff you truly love now. I wonder how long you hunted for pretty paper before you gave up and used the lined cards Mom kept stocked in her desk drawer.

I wondered if I really appreciated your fun personality, way back when.

Because, if you were spelling "coupon" as "cupon" you couldn't really have been all that old. I hope I was nice to you. I hope I wasn't the proverbial older sister that was too cool for you. I fear I might have.

You've probably long since forgotten even creating that "cupon book." What I want you to notice is where I found your envelope. It was in my box of treasures. My very special treasures. Carefully saved for 20+ years. I never wanted to forget it. Your "cupon book" moved me then. It moved me today.

I don't know if I ever officially "redeemed" those cupons. But over the years, you have fulfilled those cupons many times over. You've done my dishes more times than I could count. And I don't ever remember you invoking the Sunday exception clause. You've come to organize my stuff when I couldn't do it. You've brought me meals when I forgot to eat. You've stopped in just to say hello.

You tucked a beautiful calendar in my bag to remind me of my new beautiful life.

33 Favors has turned into a lifetime of love.

Thanks for being such a good sis.

I love you.

Chemistry and Math

Does anyone happen to know how much 1 TBL of citric acid weighs in ounces?

Random question, I know. I'm trying figure out the cost of a specific recipe.

Chess and Wishes

Do you ever feel like you are living a game of chess? Hopefully not. If you do, my heart goes out to you. My emerging life is tender, fragile and lovely, but many times, I feel like it is an ongoing game of chess. I never learned to play chess ... I never really liked it. I didn't want to play it for fun back then, I don't want to continue playing it for the rest of my life now.

Since it is still January, can I make some New Year's Wishes?

1. I wish I could eliminate the game of chess from my life.
2. I wish others valued honor, trust and character as much as I do.
3. I wish love and sacrifice were hallowed words.
4. I wish I had a magic wand.

It all comes down to that principle of "agency." Sometimes I find myself wondering if I really voted for agency. And if I did, did I really know what it would entail? Because many time, I'd prefer to make the decisions for others.

PS. I'm not bitter ... really I'm not. I'm just processing.

Race Time & Moral Victories

I have two cub scouts and one honorary cub scout that think she is a real cub scout ... so I guess that means I really have three.

Last night was pinewood derby.

For those of you who have brothers, or who were cub scouts at one point, you know what that means. You know how this was "THE NIGHT" every cub scout looks forward to for months. You know the work and planning that goes into preparing a car. When I was a girl, I remember my brothers working with Dad on their cars, balancing, weighing, sawing, painting. It always looked like so much fun. I wanted to do one. Or, I at least wanted to help.

I have 5 brothers. Whenever I got to help, they always gave me the job of sanding the wheels. I had to use a fine grit paper to sand down the seam and the "belly button" left on the wheel from the plastic mold. Every year, I'd get the same lecture, "Now make sure you don't sand a flat spot on the wheel. That will really slow it down." I didn't think that part was very fun.

But last year, I finally had my chance. I had three cub scouts that needed cars. It was a disaster. We were late. Paint jobs lacked the sleekness I remembered from my brothers' days. Wheels fell off during the race. They were sadly underweight cars. But, when it was all over, I had wonderful memories. And literally, in the car on the way home, all three were scheming for next year, so I guess that means they had fun, too.

Next year came. It was last night. This time, I only had to do one car. I guess we did the "divide and conquer" method. Big J wanted to design his car and have it go fast. (Apparently, he forgot that last year, the wheels were falling off mid-race...) But he decided that designing his car was important, so I got the assignment.

Apparently, pinewood derbies have evolved. Making a car go fast is more than just sanding down the belly button on the wheels. Now you have to properly place the weight, and shift wheel bases, hone the axles (those little nails.) I was overwhelmed ... and I'll admit, this race got personal.

I was a mom on a mission. I was not going to fail my boy this year. And I wasn't going to fail myself either.

There were wonderful people that helped. A coach from California that sent me a 100+ pg booklet on how to have the perfect pinewood derby car. He told me to "keep it simple." The eBay seller that sold me tungsten weights and drove them to the post office in an ice storm so I would have them. A wonderful cubmaster that helped cut and sand and buff and weigh. A dear neighbor that encouraged me and let me use his drill.

We made it to the race on time. Ok, the paint job might have been a little bubbled, but it was shiny, and had a bright red racing stripe down the center. (Someday, if I figure out how to post pictures, I'll add one here.) I breathed a sigh of relief when Big J's car made it all the way down the track, wheels on and completely intact. And, he even won that heat.

In the end, Big J took second place overall. It was a moral victory -- you can style your car AND have it be fast, too (not to mention the fact that Mom can be in charge of a car that is capable of winning.) My other two cubs took 3rd and 4th place respectively.

(And because Big J's car was faster than the other two, I guess I can gloat for a moment, too.)

In the car, on the way home, they were chattering about their cars for next year. So once again, I guess you can call it a success. We celebrated at Purple Turtle over milk shakes and tater tots.

I'm the luckiest mom alive.